Flickering Light

“I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long”

I write this with a heavy heart today. The music world lost another powerhouse in Rock and the world lost another flickering light to suicide. Just four months after Chris Cornell’s death, headlines read that Chester Bennington of 90’s grunge rock band Linkin Park has hung himself.

“Cause I’m one step closer to the edge
I’m about to break”

My childhood household was always cringing with alternate rock. Both my parents loved rock music and they would play Linkin Park and Audioslave in the car on our way to school. I remember buying the “Numb” video on my ipod and watching it wearing a matching grey sweater and black nail polish. I felt comfort in that music, it seemed to understand me.

“Take this all away
I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me”

I have always been a bit of an outsider. I didn’t grow up as one of the popular kids and I didn’t attend my first house party until I was out of high school. I ate alone at lunch and dreaded every time the teacher yelled, “Pair up!” Group work and having to be social terrified me to my core. I was painfully shy and super awkward. Luckily, now a days, only the awkwardness is something that I struggle with. I still keep to myself a lot, but I’ve learned to come out of my shell a lot.

“Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own”

But, as I listen to these Linkin Park songs now, they mean something different to me. I am actually hearing Chester’s pain and suffering. It’s kind of embarrassing how obvious his lyrics are. How could we not have know that this was coming?

“I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through”

Below, is a playlist I made that shows the band’s most hauntingly chilling songs but they are so powerful and necessary. Depression is a real disease and it’s time that we stop undermining its affects on people.

 https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/renee_cullen55/playlist/1lxQFjRCqYwX2SIT9AboF6

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